Monday, 18 April 2011

AtoZ April - O is for Orgasmatron

Day 15, and it's all getting a bit psycho-sexual around here.

The Smart Patrol: they will give you unsolicited multiple orgasms.

Many, cunning and varied are the means by which the eccentric dynasts of the Wilds retain their hard-won thrones. One of the most curious of these is the strategy of the hermaphrodite Emperoress of Throx. Long a scholar of human psychology the Emperoress has determined that the most certain, least objectionable way to ensure the obedience and loyalty of his/her/its power-base is to weaponise sexual pleasure.

The wielders of this power are the infamous Smart Patrol, creatures which may, or may not, be men as commonly understood. Lairing in a windowless circular ziggurat the Smart Patrol emerge at irregular intervals to scour the street-tubes of Throx of dissenters, thoughtcriminals and strangely-dressed foreigners. The fates of those spirited away behind their ziggurat's massive gates of steel are unknown, but rumoured to be horrific.

Orgasmatrons [magic item - wondrous item]
Biotech blobs floating in fishbowls embedded in overcomplex weird-tech. The mechanisms are fragile, requiring two hands to carry. Orgasmatrons fire a puce beam of orgone energy able to reduce targets to helpless status orgasmus. If hit by the beam (to-hit roll ignoring physical armour) the target must save vs. paralysis or suffer (enjoy?) a hold person/monster effect for 1d20 minutes, followed by 1d3 turns under a wobbly-kneed slow effect. It is rumoured that orgasmatrons also have a secondary, weather-modifying effect.

An unfortunate few become addicted to the effects of the orgasmatron, and seek to deliberately provoke the Smart Patrol into targeting them. Unfortunately the Smart Patrol also wield big sticks with nails in them for just such eventualities...

It is speculated that the Smart Patrol have mastered the art of implanting the active orgonotech component of their orgasmatrons directly into living humans. This snippet of information (as yet unconfirmed) is the source of much speculation, conjecture and heated fantasy among aesthetes, cult leaders and mad wizards of the Wilds.

Pic Source
Mysterious helmed men expropriated from the archives of trakMarx ezine


  1. Orgasmatrons should be a steam train with a devil's face and horns coming out the front of the boiler. It's like a Brit Old Skool law or something.

  2. The photo looks like the band Devo :)

  3. Good stuff! Ever read Jodorowsky's Metabarons? He's also have a Holy Androgyne, Emperoress. I've always though their weren't enough hermaphrodites in weird fantasy. Thank you for doing what you can to fill that gap.

  4. @Coop: Thought about it, but decided both that and Barbarella were too logical.

    @M Pax: Another example of cross-world memetic bleedthrough? It happens all the time round here. I'll get the gaffer tape... ;)

    @Trey: I'm a huge fan of the Jodoverse, and that's obv. a source of inspiration. I'm not the first in our circles to latch onto the idea of semi-divine hermaphroditic rulers though. IIRC Valley of Blue Snails, Athanor Doug and Scott o'Thool/HRP all did it first. Well, I say first, as usual the Greeks were waiting there grinning when we arrived...


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...