Skinning the Dead for Fun and Profit

Regular readers will know that I consider Classic D&D's Treasure Types to be a horrible, irredeemable mess that should have died a final death around 1989. So it should come as no surprise to hear I've been tinkering with treasure generation yet again.

Semi-related to which, here's a half-formed thought occasioned by the monster Yield mechanic of Hackmaster 4E and by the Egg Hunter campaign concept from Noism's epic Let's Read the Monstrous Compendium.*

Skin/gut/nest-rob a treasureless beastie: a party can garner 10 x lvl^2 gp per turn of gutting, up to a maximum gp value = its XP.

The form this treasure value takes is dependent upon the creature type (hide/fur, feathers/scales, organs/secretions, eggs/young, etc.), but usually has to be hauled back to town and converted to hard cash at a market.

Bigger, more dangerous creatures are worth more to interested purchasers (fur traders, tanners, haberdashers, corset-makers, wizards and what-not), but take longer to render down into sweet convertible value.

Why a value per turn? Coz more experienced adventurers are more practised in skinning and jointing beasties purely as a function of their experience as scavenging murderhobos. Pay a time penalty: derive extra loot.

And that is how you get value out of whales, beavers, owlbears, and similar loot-less beasties. 

*Ka-ching!*

* On the subject of Let's Reads. Yes, LRM will be returning. I intend to finish it if it drives me mad.

Pic Source: wikimedia commons.

Truly Random Charges for Magic Items

Just a thought. Rather than generating the number of charges remaining when a wand (/rod/stave/misc. charged item) is discovered in play instead:

Pick (or roll) a number between 1 and 20.
Each time the wand is used, roll a d20.
If the number matches the pre-selected one, the wand is out of charges.

• If the wand was a looted object and/or previously used against the party by someone else, pick 2 numbers.  {reflecting depletion through use, duh.}
• If the wand was crafted by the wizard him/herself: pick 1 number, roll d30 when used.  {This incentivises crafting by PC wizards, and reflects a maker's mastery of his own creation. "I know every nut and bolt and cog; I built it with my own hands!"}

Why bother with this rules wrinkle rather than "xd10 charges"?

Because - contrary to what contemporary D&D orthodoxy would have you think* - magic is chaotic, unpredictable and will probably let you down at exactly the worst possible moment. This variant models the uncertainty of a world without fuel gauges on magic items.

In addition, it's engaging in play: every time a wand is used there's a chance (rolled by the user, no less!) that it blows a fuse and reverts from throbbing arcane phallic extension to useless decorative back-scratcher.

* Post-scarcity D&D? *pshaw* There's no way a plan that goes "bind the power of Kaos to bootstrap an industrial revolution" ever ends well.

Hat-tip: Zak S for Lucky Number Kung-Fu.

Bonus Factoid: According to the magic items chapter of the One True DMG (AD&D1E) there's a 1% that any wand discovered is rigged to 'backfire' when used. Whether this is due to malignancy on the part of the creators, or the innate perversity of magic, or just down to thaumic decay over time, is undisclosed. And quite what 'backfire' entails is left for the GM to determine. (cue evil laughter)

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Unrelated: Oh look. A DNDClassics pdf purchase site. Looks like WOTC decided to do the blindingly obvious after four years of fighting the tide. What was that line about even a stopped clock being right twice a day?

Mastering Forbidden Lore

As far as I recall the process of wizards forcing new forms of blasphemous eldritch lore into their bulbous craniums is almost completely handwaved in B/X-ish D&D. Fine by me; that just leaves all the more room for personal tinkering.

A wizard, yesterday

Here's my personal take on larnificatin' new spells, a sub-system more than a little influenced by the casting rules from good old "Chainmail".

Spell Mastery
Binding the power of Chaos to your will in new and interesting ways is a non-trivial endeavour. When a wizard discovers a new spell (on a scroll, in a spell book, graven into an arcane crystal, w/e) he must attempt to master it through successive castings.

Every time the wizard casts a spell he has memorized but not yet mastered, roll the following:

2d6 +Level +Int mod –Spell Lvl vs. TN 12

• Pass = Spell Mastered - spell takes effect. Wizard cackles like an agitated hen coop.
• Fail, roll 7+ = Partial Mastery - spell takes effect, caster enjoys cumulative +1 bonus to future mastery rolls for this spell. Wizard gloats.
• Fail, roll 3-6 = Not Mastered - spell fizzles. Wizard snarls and kicks handy apprentice/familiar/peon.
• Snake Eyes = "Oops!" - spell backfires horribly. Roll on your preferred spell misfire table.

Mastery rolls have an automatic +1 bonus if the wizard has already mastered a spell with a thematically related effect (suggestion, charm person/monster, dominate, etc.)

Degrees of mastery achieved over known spells should be noted in the player's grimoire:

[ ] = Not Mastered, [/] = Partial Mastery, [X] = Spell Mastered. 

Accumulated Partial Mastery bonuses can be represented with multiple slashes, thus: [///] = +3 bonus to mastery rolls for that spell.

Once a spell has been cranium-wrestled into submission a wizard can memorise and cast it per the normal rules.

Additional Wrinkles to the Rule

First level wizards start with mastery of their known spells (IMG: 1d6+Int mod of the spells from the starting list). This rules given above apply only to attempts to extend their mastery of magic beyond these rote-learned Old Reliables.

Rolls to master spells may be made between adventures. Each roll cost 100gp/spell level (to cover material components, consultation fees, thaumotropic drugs, and third party damages) and take 1 week.

When a new level is gained the player may attempt to master a number of spells of their choosing equal to their character's Int mod. After these rolls the player may also pick any one unmastered spell on their list, this is now wholly understood.

Until 9th level is attained only spells that the character can cast may be rolled for.  Wizards of levels 9+ can roll to understand and cast higher level spells. For example, an Int 16 W10 would have a chance of casting wish (10,+2,-9 = TN 10 on 2d6).

Spell Mastery rolls can also be used instead of the existing Rogue scroll use rules, or as a shortcut for mastering looted magic items through empirical experimentation.

I should probably include some form of rules for thaumotropic drugs that enhance mastery attempts. You know, stuff like Elric's Hellebore, a Skaven Grey Seer's warpdust, etc.

Oh, and this is the 200th post here at VoN. Go my lazy, wandering-off-for-months-on-end self!

Edit 22/01/2013:  Modified difficulty of casting without mastery. Thanks to -C for the catch.

Pic Source: teh intawubz

Towards a More Simplified Corpse Robbing

Being of an unashamedly lazy nature when it comes to GMing duties, I'm constantly on the lookout for ways to simplify loot generation. This is particularly true when it comes to 'pocket money' treasure carried by wandering monsters, NPCs, etc.

Problem: My loathing of Classic D&D Treasure Type tables (too damn fiddly and involved by half).
Solution: steal and a adapt a simpler, more intuitive treasure generation method.

Reading Advanced Fighting Fantasy recently -- the original pocket paperback AFF, not the Arion Games 'printed on sheets of beaten gold' re-release -- I happened upon a table I just wish I'd known about/remembered when I was working on Small But Vicious Dog.

Behold, in all its glory, the original version of the Advanced Fighting Fantasy random treasure generator:

d6    Treasure
1    -
2    1-3gp
3    1-6gp
4    2-12gp
5    Special Item   
6    1-6gp + Special Item

Humanoid -- d6
Monster -- d6-1
Undead -- d6-2
All Others (Animal, Bird, Insect, Magical Creature) -- d6-3

2d6    Special Items           
2    Enchanted Axe: +1 skill
3    Potion of Invisibility
4    Magic Sack: 5 items weigh as 1
5    Silver Arrow
6    1-6 jewels, 10gp each
7    1-3 gems, 25gp each
8    Scroll of ESP
9    Healing Potion
10    Cursed dagger: -2 skill
11    Poison potion
12    Magic Sword: +2 skill

Clever innit? Presence, quantity and quality of loot generated with a couple of d6 rolls and reference to only two tables. A treasure system simple and intuitive enough that even the dozy kids can see how it's supposed to work. What a difference from the opaque gabblestorm of Classic D&D Individual Treasure Types (HC: I-VII in Labyrinth Lord, TT: P-V in BECMI, J-Z(?) in AD&D) which had anything up to a dozen or more separate die rolls and gave you no way of telling at first glance roughly what a creature may be carrying. I know which system works better for me in the midst of play...

Simply adapt the Special Items sub-table to the D&D magic item types, add a couple of house rules for higher HD monsters, and that's my new go-to 'monster pocket money' swag table:

Individual/Non-Lair Treasures Revised 

d6    Sweet, sweet loot!
1    -
2    1-3gp
3    1-6gp
4    2-12gp
5    Special Item   
6    1-6gp + Special Item

Humanoid*     1d6
Monster     1d6-1
Undead        1d6-2
Animal**, Conjuration*** or Lowlife**** 1d6-3

* Anything with intelligence, a culture and the potential for acquisitive habits.
** Beasts mundane, giant and prehistoric.
*** Elementals, golems, animated statues, invisible stalkers, etc.
**** A broad monster type from BECMI's Creature Catalogue. Lowlife covers creatures which are "...non-intelligent and have a very simple lifestyle." (CC, p3) - Plants, Bugs, Worms and Goos.

Special Items? Roll 2d6 on the subtable to determine type, then resort to the customary magic items tables:

2d6    Special Items
2    Ring
3    Misc. Weapon
4    Misc. Magic
5    Jewel (1d100x10gp)
6    Gems (2d20x10gp)
7    Non-magic items*
8    Scroll
9    Potion
10    Swords
11    Armour
12    Rod/Wand/Stave

* Keys, faction identifiers, plot coupons (roll on the Vornheim "What Has It Got In Its Pocketses?" chart or nearest local equivalent), non-magic gadgets and gizmos, etc.

Notes:

• Multiply cash by total HD of creatures defeated. So knocking over 5 bugbears out for a stroll will net you 15 x whatever you roll on the random swag chart. Sometimes this will be 0gp, other times the party will end up with a bag of cash and maybe a shiny thing.
• Cash value is gp equivalent only. You can dish it out in copper, silver, platinum, even electrum (*spit*) if that floats your boat.
• You only even find one instance of Special Item per encounter, usually in the hands of the biggest, burliest monster present. If magical that item will probably be of the lowliest power for its type.
  

That's the entire non-pre-placed treasure system reduced to 3-4 die rolls. Maybe a couple more if you roll 'scroll' or 'intelligent magic sword' on the item type sub-tables.

This mod does increase the probability of discovering magic items in the possession of WMs substantially from the baseline D&D Treasure Tables. But then again, only two types of wanderers (Humanoids, Monsters) have even the possibility of carrying Special Items, which keeps the sheer Diablo-ness within semi-reasonable bounds ("Why exactly were the beetles carrying magic boots?"). Of those random items two-thirds will be either a bit of extra cash, non-magical gear, or one-shot items. As for wandering undead, summoned entities and the clean up crew, they're now wildly dangerous and dirt poor.

Thoughts? Criticisms? Demands that I actually finish the job before posting?

Fungal Murderhobos of the Wilds

Hey you! Do you want to play a vicious bastard murderhobo who is also a giant toadstool? Sure, it might be a bit too weird for traditional tastes or insufficiently haut weird for others, but some people want to play a giant toadstool with an incomprehensible agenda, right? Beats playing another bloody elf, amirite?

Myconid Class/Race

Requirements: WIS 9
Prime Req.: Wis, Con
HD: d6
Attacks as: Cleric
Save as: Cleric
Weapons: any 1-handed weapon (melee or thrown missile)
Armour: leather, chain, shield

(or use the Mutant Class from the Mutants & Mazes chapter if you have access to Goblinoid Games damn fine Mutant Future retro-clone)

Oh come on, you know these guys. Big meaty ambulatory shrooms with humanoid limbs and eyespots; pacifist underworld hippies who just want to tend their fungus groves and groove on the communal telepathy spores.

Mycon adventurers are rare in the extreme. No one know why they arise, what their long-term aims are, or exactly what a giant fighting truffle wants with sacks of swag. Its theorised that they're an evolutionary (or possibly a psycho-cultural) response by the Myconid communal intelligences to the threat posed by surface-dweller incursion into the mythic underworld. But who knows what mushrooms think.

Whatever the cause, one of them has left the cave-commune and gone on a looting spree with a bunch of upworlders.

General Guff
Mycons stand about 5' tall and weigh 140lbs on average.
They 'speak' (well, communicate in a weird fungusy way) Mycon and hoot a pidgin Common through their creepy sphinctery mouth holes.
Mycons absorb nutrients through mycelial mass extruded from their footpads when at rest.
They don't sleep, but instead go into extended blissed-out trance/fugue states for 3-12 hours a day (random 3d4 per night). Sleep spells work on Mycons, and push them into this fugue state early.
Their flesh is delicious.

Racial Abilities
Myconids enjoy the following natural advantages:

• Move silently 2in6 (+1 at levels 4,6,8)
• Nightvision - see 60' in conditions of non-total darkness (as MF)
• Chemosynthetic diet - a varient form of Photosynthetic diet, involves the Myconid standing in a pool of biomass while they rest. Can derive sustenance from almost any old crap.
• Tireless - do not suffer from forced march/lack of rest penalties.

Weaknesses
Coming as they do from a world you may not understand, Myconids suffer a couple of minor hassles:

• Weak Eyespots ("Funglyboy no like sunlight!") - suffers -2 to hit and all checks in bright light (as Albinism drawback, see MF).
• Fussy About the Thermostat ("Funglyboy no like hot/cold!") - suffer +2 damage/die from extreme heat or cold (as Thermal Sensitivity drawback, see MF).
• Alienation ("Funglyboy no like lonely.") - if unable to meld with other Myconids over an extended period suffers fungus equivalent of depression (treat as if cursed, as the spell)

Although unable to cast spells Myconids do gain innate fungus-themed abilities as they advance in level.

Lvl XP       Abilities
1    0          -
2    2,500   Poison spores(1)
3    5K        Fungal rapport(2)
4    10K      -
5    20K      Hallucinatory spores(3)
6    40K      Fungal alchemy(4)
7    80K      Create fungal zombies(5)
8    160K    -
9    320K+  Sporelord of the Mycelial Underlands

footnotes
(1) as Poison Spores power (MF) - 1d6 damage in 10' radius 1/day. Increases to 2d6 dmg, 2/day at 5th level and to 3d6 dmg, 3/day at 9th.
(2) as Neural Telepathy power (MF) or tongues spell (LL), 1/day.
(3) as Mental Phantasm power (MF) or confusion spell (LLAEC), 1/day.
(4) may brew any potion it has previously ingested at zero cost, 1/wk. Yes, this includes poison.
(5) as animate dead spell, 1/day.

Unless otherwise noted rate of ability use increases +1/day per 2 levels after first gaining access to it.

Sporelord of the Mycelial Underlands (name level)
At 9th level a Myconid may establish a colony of their own sporelings in a warm, moist sheltered location cleared of hostile presences. If sufficient biomass is available the Myconid will take root and sporulate, generating 1d6x10 1HD myconid followers practically overnight. The colony will grow in a slow, inexorable, passive-aggressive manner so long as sufficient biomass is available.

Pic Source: Planescape Myconid Sorcerer by sebbythefreak

Howling Emptiness of the 5/6/8-mile Hex

(yes, the titular reference to Rob Conley's mapping bugbear is intentional)

This is just a half-formed thought inspired by noisms and steamtunnel's recent posts on just how big and potentially full of adventure even a single 5/6/8-mile hex is.

Hex map icons, by their nature, only indicate the single most salient feature to be found in that particular 21/31/55 square miles of landscape. Sure, you can drill down to a more granular level with the help of nested hex map templates (such as Welsh Piper's fine 1/5/25-milers), but creating a whole new map for a smaller-scale area is a whole extra chore for the already-busy GM. I don't know about you, but I want to minimize my level of extra work thanks.

Could we perhaps add a simple 'emergent exploring' rule that allows the party to uncover more stuff (up to the limits of the GM's taste/patience) the longer they stay in a hex?

• Castles, cities and the like should all be in plain sight unless intentionally hidden away (like Gondolin or Derinkuyu). Heck, roads point you directly to most of them.
• Infamous lairs, ruins and dungeons should, of course, retain their "Here be dragons" hex map icons and easy-to-find status. The yokels can point out exactly in which direction the castle we don't go near lies.
• More obscure lairs, lost ruins, buried tombs and especially treasure map loot should require a bit of active hunting out by adventuring parties.

I was thinking either some form of skill check per day of exploring a hex (something for that otherwise worthless Halfling to be doing with his time?) ~or~ an standard Xin6 chance per day of uncovering a particular feature. In either case the base chance can be modified up or down for degree of obscurity, concealment, speculative vs. purposeful searching, etc.

Perhaps integrate this into the Wandering Monster encounter rolls that are already part-and-parcel of wilderness exploration in Classic D&D? Just tack the 'discovery' chance onto the existing roll so that it goes from being

d6 1-2: encounter, 3-6: no encounter

to something like

d6: 1-2 encounter, 3-4 fruitless wandering, 5-6 Eureka!

with the Eureka! result representing discovery of a previously known (to the party) but locationally undetermined feature.

"I told you the Tomb of Screaming Death was out here. Pay up."
"Alright, but I want a discount for the sheer length of time you dragged us around this filthy swamp."

Thoughts? Suggestions? Accusations of reinventing the wheel?
Is there already such a rule hidden away in the TARDIS of a game that is OD&D?

[SBVD] Crime and Punishment

Note: the topicality of this post in the light of recent events in the UK is entirely accidental.

Sooner or later our brave heroes (such as they are) are going to fall afoul of the law (such as it is). Here are some half-formed thoughts on making their big day in court fittingly Kafkaesque and memorably unjust.

Detection and Detention
Thanks to the thieving antics of travelling vagabonds, gypsies and suchlike sturdy beggars (*cough* adventurers *cough*) outsiders are generally the first to fall under suspicion when a crime occurs. Many jurisdictions still hold to the old legal principle that if no one is punished for a detected crime then the elected headmen of the community are guilty of conspiracy with the criminals. This tends to concentrate the mind on finding anyone to punish, rather than the right person.

There are no police as we understand the term in the world of SBVD: no CID, no CSI, no Special Branch. There are civil watchmen and rural road wardens, but these are paramilitary peacekeeping organisations with no interest in helping recover your stolen purse. Privately hired watchmen are common in cities, but their effectiveness as deterrent to criminal activity is limited by the innate venality and cynicism of the breed. [1]

Unless someone is actually caught red handed and captured by an initial hue-and-cry [2] the best way to bring someone to trial is to either: 1) hunt them down yourself, or 2) hire a professional thief taker (prototypical bounty hunters and/or private detectives) to bring them in. Struggling artists and jobbing printers do a roaring trade in lurid Wanted! posters commissioned by clubs of vengeful private citizens.

1] Many (most?) private watch organisations are little more than local mafias operating on a "Shame if anything happened to your place..." protection racket basis.

2] This is the common term for the ever-present pitchfork-wielding mob in vigilante mode. The more archaic and formal term posse comitatis is used by highfalutin, la-di-da legal types.


Trial
Once captured, stripped of their goods and remanded into custody in the filthy local cells (save vs. poison or contract a random disease) a defendant will have to wait 1d20 days before being dragged before the beak. The concept of bail (remanding into the care of an appointed custodian) is gradually evolving in the cities.

The trial system in SBVD is archaic, arbitrary, chaotic and entirely dependent on how bored or dyspeptic the judge feels today. Half-forgotten centuries-old traditions and ridiculous practices are rife, and illogical - but procedurally correct and thus technically legal - decisions are the norm. Think in terms of the Red Queen’s Court in Alice in Wonderland, rather than the stately gravity of contemporary courtroom dramas.

Outrageous as it may seem to people raised under the aegis of Common Law, but the society of SBVD works on a quasi-European inquisitorial system of law. The magistrate hears the evidence he wants to hear, and then passes judgement based on his personal prejudices and/or knowledge of precedent and case law. Judges to the busy, important urban courts are appointed either by the civic council or Imperial decree, but many rural courts are still feudal, presided over by whatever semi-educated local toff feels like wearing the big wig for a while.

If a jury is convened to pass judgement (common in the big city, less so in the boondocks) they're more likely to be there to get out of the rain than to deliberate with wisdom and discretion. Most juries will either be prejudiced against the defendant ("He's in the dock; he must be guilty"), or liable to use the case to address longstanding local grievances ("Can't let rich toffs think they're above the law").

Travellers are warned that the old customs of trial by combat or ordeal are still on the books. These expedients are resorted to if the judge just can’t be bothered and fancies livening up proceedings with a bit of bloodshed.

The outcome of a trial can be decided either by GM fiat, or, more fittingly, by a 2d6 Reaction Roll:

2d6	Result
2	"Pass me the black cloth cap. I might be needing it..." Found guilty. Punished with all the harshness and imagination the GM can muster.
3-5	"Hand me that book, that I may throw it at the wretch." Found guilty. Sentenced to something harsh and onerous, but usually non-fatal.
6-8	"The court requires further evidence. Now, what's for lunch?" Remanded in custody for another 1d10 days.
9-11	"Not proven. Now stop wasting my time." Let off with a warning to quit town/be on best behaviour.
12	"This was obviously all a dreadful misunderstanding." Exonerated with an apology and testimonial to good character signed by the judge.

If the GM desires, the following situational modifiers may adjust the reaction roll:

+1 for each that applies
Respectable defendant
You didn't do it
...and you have an alibi
You bribed the judge
Your lawyer is a shark
Minor offence

-1 for each that applies
Respectable victim
You did it
...and witnesses saw you
Hanging judge
Your lawyer is an idiot
Outrageous crime


What About My Defence?
Oh, the cost of hiring a lawyer? This is very much a "What you got?" situation, but most decent lawyers won’t get out of bed for less than 50GC/day. They’ll expect payment whether or not they get to present their evidence in your defence: lawyers might be venal, ethically flexible logic-choppers, but they’re not stupid.

In cases of trial by ordeal/combat a retained lawyer will offer advice on procedure, and the name of a good doctor or judicial protagonist (if required), but won’t waive his fee. ("It’s not my fault the judge decided to revive the ancient tradition of ‘trial by flaming tarred pants’ just for you. I recommend running for that pond over there as fast as you can...")

A word of warning about lawyers: watch out for the keen-eyed pro bono crusading ones out to make a name for themselves. Their grandstanding antics are just as likely to annoy the judge and get you hanged on a technicality as to get you off with a virtuoso display of logic and rhetoric. Young, fast and fiery are fine qualities in a racehorse, but less than ideal in an advocate.

Punishment
Judicial punishment is harsh, exemplary, and usually ironic in nature. Incarceration is rare and special, reserved for valuable hostages or those who someone with an oubliette wants lost and forgotten. Most punishment involves some form of violence, public humiliation or hard labour. Debtors are put to work in chain gangs; givers of short weight are forced to wear a locked cartwheel around their neck; thieves and fraudsters are fined and lose a finger; seditionists get their tongues clipped or their lips seared; rapists are castrated; grave robbers are buried alive; murderers get the rope or axe, or occasionally, a ‘Ketch Special’.

Public headsmen are a wickedly inventive breed, constantly in competition to produce the most interesting and spectacular forms of public execution. Throwing to the dogs has fallen out of fashion as cruel and barbaric; the current fad is a spectacularly pyrotechnic form of breaking on the wheel called 'the flaming Katrin'. Such spectaculars make a great day out for the whole family.

Exceptions to the Rule
There is no equality before the law in SBVD. Some people are simply above it; others aren’t even considered legal persons. In many jurisdictions a nobleman, wizard or clergyman can only be bought to book by his social peers. Yes, this means that the upper classes can literally get away with murder, so long as they don’t pick on anyone liable to arouse the sentiments of the mob. There are also places where serfs, foreigners and/or non-humans are considered legal minors or chattel, legally the responsibility of the respectable types they accompany.

Mutants, warlocks and the like rarely even get to trial: the angry mob tends to skip straight to punishment. Such cancers to the body politic commonly ‘die of injuries sustained resisting apprehension’. Creatures entirely outside society (NPC races like beastmen, orcs, giants, etc.) are deemed outlaw and thus fair game for anyone with the ability to take them down. You don’t bring an action for damages against a giant eating your sheep; you apply to the army, or that gang of passing heroes.

Pic Source: Breaking on the Wheel, courtesy of seiyaku.com

[SBVD] Toffs and Toadys

First off, thanks to everyone who posted about, tweeted, commented on and critiqued SBVD. Your time and effort are appreciated.

Now content. Further to the posting of the Small But Vicious Dog draft earlier in the week, here's some stuff that occurred to me in light of feedback.

Social Status

Climbing to the top over a heap of looted bodies doesn’t just advance personal power; it also advances your place in society. Instead of representing vast disparities in clout and authority with higher character levels, here’s a fix inspired by the hilarious and under-rated GURPS Goblins sourcebook.

These rules are entirely optional, and supersede the existing rule that The Gods Hate You! (see Resolution, p7) only where appropriate.

The world of SBVD is hopelessly caste-ridden. The law is entirely weighted in favour of the rich and well bred (which is, of course, entirely as it should be; only a fool writes laws against his own interests), as are tax codes, military obligations and even social mores.  In civilised parts of the world it's still considered perfectly acceptable to roger the serving girls, or to viciously horsewhip insolent underlings (where 'insolent' = 'didn't avert his gaze quickly enough' or 'coughed in my presence').

Social position affects all dice rolls made directly against a particular character. Hit rolls, Ability Score checks, Saving Throws; they’re all affected by the modifier given on the table below.

Your Position	What Your Kind Do For a Living	Mod.
Highborn Titled	toffs, merchant princes, emissaries, etc.	+3
Pillars of Society	Burghers, guild notables, Collegiate wizards, etc.	+2
Respectable Types	Lawyers, physicians, priests, engineers, etc.	+1
People of the Middling Sort	Apothecaries, initiates, roadwardens, etc.	+0
Humble Folk	Scribes, militia, peddlers, bounty hunters, etc.	-2
The Lowly Hoi Polloi	Poor-but-honest farmers, ratcatchers, day labourers, etc.	-4
The Vile Underclass	Thieves, gypsies, corpse pickers and similar.	-6

For example, if Reinhard the Ratcatcher decides to take his ratting shovel to Hans von Schnitzelgruber, Grand Duke of Burgdorf-Hossenpfeffer, he’s laying himself open to a world of hurt. All his rolls against the Duke will be at –4; all the Duke’s rolls against Reinhard will be at +3!

Similar modifiers cancel each other out: the lowly batter one another on roughly even terms, as do the rich and powerful. So if Stinking Aggie the Puregrubber, doyenne of the Vile Underclass, decides to shiv Reinhard for his hard-earned loot she’ll suffer a net –2 to all rolls (6-4 being, yep, 2). Reinhard suffers no penalties beyond those the GM in his mercy and wisdom sees fit to inflict.

Exactly how and why this works is something of a mystery: the general consensus is that it’s rather difficult to beat the crap out of someone while you're malnourished and/or busy doffing your cap. Either way, this rule prevents some dirty oiks with rusty knives and a plan from opportunistically assassinating the Kaiser.

I am Huge of Moustache. You Must Obey!
When a character is able to pull rank by virtue of position he may elect to use social clout in lieu of Fellowship. People might not respect the man, but they do respect the office. Likewise lowly characters attempting to wheedle their betters must use the lower of their social standing or Fellowship in reaction rolls.

Pull Rank	(high status vs. lower)	= best of Fel mod. ~or~ Social Standing mod.
Toadying	(low status vs. higher)	= worst of Fel mod. ~or~ ½ of Social Standing mod.

Your Ways Are Strange And I Mock Them, Puny Weaky Man
Relative status has no effect whatsoever on creatures that don’t respect social niceties. Grumblefimwanger the Giant doesn’t care if you’re a big noise socially: to him you’re just another uppity runt to be trampled. Nor are a gang of rampaging Beastmen likely to be awed into submission by your cultivated cut-glass accent and the exquisitely fashionable cut of your coat. Suchlike non-human yahoos should be taught respect the old fashioned way: cold steel, hot lead and arcane fire.

The Greasy Pole: Gaining and Losing Status
All 1st level characters start out in the hoi polloi (-4), rising in position through graft, backstabbing and low cunning. An adventurer claws his way into the ranks of the Humble Folk (-2) at level 2, and may pass as A Person of the Middling Sort (+0) at level 3. This ‘gentrification’ only applies if the character dresses and comports himself in a befitting manner; if he dresses and acts like a common thug, he will be treated as one.

Adventurers may climb further in status through conspicuous consumption, politic toadying, bribery, largesse and charitable donations, but this is all considered tres nouveau. Real class, like good furniture, is inherited.

Characters of any standing can fall into the Vile Underclass by acting in a despicable manner. The usual routes to infamy are 1) committing detected crime against people who actually matter, or 2) engaging in certain ‘untouchable’ trades. Recovery of lost caste - if possible at all - should be a long and torturous affair.

--end--

Small But Vicious Dog

With A to Z April nearly over (*shudders* never again!) I've decided on my project for May.

"Don't fall for the soulful expression. 

He'll have your throat out as soon as look at you..."

An exhaustive and thorough-going study of the utility of the various breeds of hunting dogs (to whit: hounds, setters, pointers, retrievers, spaniels, terriers) in both general adventuring and dungeoneering contexts.

(and not all one gibbering idiot's ill-advised homebrew abomination mash-up of two well-loved and finely crafted game systems)

All blame attaches to kelvingreen, who puts words in my head with lasers fired from his magical palace on the moon.

Pic Source
Cute little dawgie from British Dogs: Their Varieties, History, Characteristics, Breeding, Management, And Exhibition by Hugh Dalziel, curated online by chestofbooks.com

Knocking the Thief on the Head, Again

"Hide in shadows? Find/remove traps? I should cocoa!"

This was partially inspired by the "naked warrior" idea that has been doing the rounds (hat-tip Aeons & Auguries and Mythmere), and partially by Taichara's FF Red Box Hack.

For a while now I've been desirous of killing off the thief in my Labyrinth Lord games. Sure, I like having sneaky, acquisitive reprobates lurking about the place as much as anyone. But having a dedicated sneaky trapspringer just treads on too many toes for my liking. It kind of leaves the demi-humans as walking detection arrays that *ping* potential hazards, but then sit back to let the skinny human with no obvious career skills deal with them.

In my ideal (game)world everyone from the fighter to the wizard to the grotty little halfling would be taking their turn climbing sheer walls, lunging from the shadows and/or trying to unpick that lock as the walls closed in. Sure, characters would still have their own specialities, but there wouldn't be a general attitude of "send in the canary" as soon as the party bumped into a location where Trap come up on the random stocking table.

That said the light-armed, Dex-focused combatant niche in D&D is a flavourful one. I'm sure you can name as many cool fantasy thieves as I can, and - let's be honest - in D&D terms any character played by Errol Flynn or Harrison Ford was a thief.

But (and here we leave the blahblah behind) why not get rid of that jobsworth-ish little "Can't do that. Niche-protection innit squire..." oik and make 'fighting in frilly shirt' a function of the fighter class?

Check out the thief write up from the Labyrinth Lord book:

"...thieves cannot wear armor heavier than leather, and they cannot use shields. They have a need for using diverse weapons, and are able to use any kind."
-- LL, p12

Once you get away from the strict "fighter = knight in shining armour" archetype that actually sounds pretty fighterly to me. Everything from Celtic warriors to Shaolin monks to Zulu warriors can fit into the light-armoured fighter archetype.

Knock off the thief and your 'man who pushes sharp objects into people' can suit up as either:

a) the classic heavily-armoured lumbering tank, or
b) a deft nuisance in light armour with a rapier and a winning smile.

The game maths seems (based on my back-of-an-envelope calculation) to stay roughly in balance if you take certain factors and edge cases into account:

Backstab
Limit this to "while in light armour" only. Deft fencing moves and opportunistic shankings aren't really possible in 40-60lbs of ironmongery.


Armour Class Disparities
Level 1 str fighter = chainmail, shield, Dex 13 = AC 3
Level 1 dex fighter = leather, Dex 16 = AC 5

Level 10 str fighter = plate +2, shield +3, Dex 13 (+1) = AC -5
Level 10 dex fighter = leather +3, Dex 16 (+2) = AC 2

Note: these raw numbers are exclusive of any wacky gear the character may be packing (like cloaks of [displacement/the mountebank/shadows], rings of invisibility, oils of etherealness, etc.)

So over the course of his adventuring career Captain Tightpants has fallen a bit behind Sir Slashstab in the "Agh! Not the face!" stakes. How about allowing the light-armoured fighter a class-ability bonus to AC?

"I'm Not Wearing Any Pants!"-jutsu
Light armoured fighters gain a non-magical bonus to their AC based on their level. From whence does this bonus derive? Same place as the incidental music, the perfectly tailored costumes and the energy used to power all the wizard's FX. :p

1-3 +1
4-6 +2
7-9 +3
10+ +4

This per-level AC bonus idea was introduced to reduce the likelihood of the lightly-armoured Dex-fighter bogarting all the bracers of armour and cloaks/rings of protection the party might happen across. The implementation was ripped off partly from the BECMI Mystic, partly from the much-maligned 3E Swashbuckler class (which actually works pretty well in Classic D&D).

Mesh with the LotFP-derived thiefless dnd skill rules (2 dots/level (2/level after first if front-loaded demi-human), divided as the player sees fit), or just ability checks, for great simplification justice.

Read language/use scroll? 
Throw those in as another Xin6 skill option if you like. Possibly with a minimum level requirement. If it's good enough for Red Kane and the Grey Mouser...

-----

Semi-New Labyrinth Lord class

Swashbuckler 
(or Barbarian, or Shaolin Monk, or Action Archaeologist, or Warrior Nudist of the Cult of Vallejo, or...)
Requirements: None
Prime Req.: DEX
Hit Dice: 1d8
Weapons: Any
Armour: Leather only, no shield.
Attack: as Fighter
Saves: as Fighter (or Thief, it really makes no odds...)
Advancement: as Fighter

Special Abilities:

• Backstab (as LL Thief class, requirements as SRD Rogue Sneak Attack ability)
• AC bonus (+1/3 levels, non-magical)
• Cleaving Strikes - drop enemy, attack again (as Dave Arneson's house rule)
• Some sort of acrobatic antics ability. I'm thinking reduced difficulty penalties to Dex checks or something. Something better than this derptastic mess..

I'm not sure whether Cleaving Strikes and Backstab should stack. My sense of good taste say no, but my Ninja Scroll-loving inner munchkin says yes.

-----

Yeah, yeah. Reinventing the wheel again. A simple AC tweak would do all this and more. S+W and Carcosa sit there saying "Oh hi. What kept you?" Etc.

Pic Source
Errol Flynn as Captain Blood (F17/T10/Cl8 my Aunt Fanny!) from Devilish Pictures blog

AtoZ April - C is for Courtesy

Day 3 and "Dahling, all this herd-like behaviour is simply too, too dreary." ;)

Veriest byword for the niceties of polite behaviour is Kuartsey, mist-shrouded Island of the Faceless King. The ever-changing and cryptic edicts of this unspeaking, always-hooded autocrat are relayed to his adoring subjects by a decennial succession of symbolic brides. Each of these women - mysterious in origin, although speculation is universally scurrilous - is an absurdly over-painted harlot-queen who spends much of her time lolling in a drugged stupor.

Around these last pathetic vestiges of an ancient and once-proud dynasty orbit the ever-shifting cliques and circles of the Chateau d'Kuartsey; a veritable finishing school of spite, back-biting, political infighting and sybaritic self-indulgence. In accordance with a system of absurdly elaborate treaties and ties of honour dating back centuries many lords of the Wilds send their heirs-apparent out to Kuartsey. Partially this is to put some polish on their manners; partially so randy young bucks can sow their oats elsewhere than among the servants at home; and partially so that the various hotspurs and heiresses can get to know (and cordially despise) one another in a neutral environment.

The squat and universally short-sighted inhabitants of the Isle see these visiting nobles and gaggles of superannuated former harlot-queens as something between a recurrent plague and/or a seasonal windfall. The wittily vicious antics of the lordlings are applauded, abetted and even emulated by the locals, albeit as a way of emptying the fat purses of the visitors more rapidly. The ever-shifting array of young dumb rich kids makes the island a market for some pretty outlandish goods and services.

Thanks to the half-earned, half-mythic reputation of their homeland as a cradle of exquisitely refined manners and sophisticated etiquette Kuartseyan expatriates are favoured as arbiters of taste in mainland courts. More than one absurdly unsuited islander has found himself hired as masters of revels purely on the strength of his nationality. ("But I'm just a fisherman. What do I know about the relative status, ritual dress or place in correct precedence of the second cousin of a Grand Duke. I hate all this la-di-da stuff. I just want to go home!")

JOESKY'S LAW Compliance Content:


Random Encounters at the Chateau d'Kuartsey

d20    (In order of increasing precedence)
1-3    Put-upon local minding own business - 0-level NPC, 10% classed character
4-6    Busy messenger/errand boy seeking [absurd requirement] - 0-level NPC
7-8    Crier proclaiming new edict (roll on RATD: Court Fad of the Day)
9-10    Discrete gentleman (25% chance incognito princling on their way to [GM decides])
11-12    Ceremonial procession in honour of the Faceless King - 3d6 dervishes
13-14    Roistering aristocrats - as NPC party
15    Princeling in full pomp - classed character, 1d6 levels + 1d6 hangers-on/toadies/bodyguards
17-18    Litter of dowager harlot-queen ("Bring that supple young man over here.")
19    Bong-litter of the current harlot-queen ("[lunatic jabbering of choice]")
20    The Holy Palanquin of the Faceless King ("Make Way!")


Bonus Content:

What's de rigueur among the fops, toadies and talentless-shits-with-an-ancestor today?


Roll All the Dice: Court Fad of the Day

Yes, this particular RATD can turn up some seemingly nonsensical results. But then a time-specific blindness to absurdity is the very essence of fashion.

Pic Source
Palanquin of the Strangled Thane by Keith Thompson

AtoZ April - B is for Broth

Day 2 of the challenge. The distant cries of "Tekelili! A... B... C..." grow ever louder and more annoying...

B is for Broth

Some non-typical stuff. I did think of doing a random Goblin Stew table, or a soup golem, or riffing on the stone soup fairy tale. But nah...

Broth of Oblivion
Deep in the Vaults of Nagoh, although no one has reliably established exactly how deep, lies a long-deserted and shunned antechamber to the sealed area known as the Hundred-Fold Hells of Expiation.

The walls of this large galleried chamber are decorated with elaborate bas-reliefs in a stylised, almost Egyptian, artistic style. They appear to show the funerary practises of a long-forgotten society or sect.

The dominating features of the chamber are two-fold.  The first is an everfull font (or possibly a turreen) of oily fluid held aloft by massively sculpted inhuman figures. The second is a monstrous stone wheel mounted vertically on a raised dais. Verdigrised bronze shackles are attached to the wheel, which spins as if well-oiled at even the lightest touch.

"Sure, I'll take a drink. What could possibly go wrong..."

Broth of Oblivion - drinking it wipes memory (as feeblemind spell).
Wheel of Transmigration - If a dead, undead or feebleminded creature is strapped into the wheel: treat as reincarnate spell. If used by a living, non-feebleminded creature: 25% chance of death (along with horrible screaming, torn flesh and smoking eye-sockets), 50% chance lasting insanity (treat as permanent confusion effect), 25% chance of recieving some distorted vision from a previous or future life.

[Yeah. Its basically a Raggian Green Devil Face based on a Toaist myth]

The Gloop Sea

Far away in the southernmost stony deserts of the Wilds lies the strange result of an ancient magical accident committed by ancient twin sorcerers remembered in folklore as The Myanicux. It is believed the Myanicux intended to banish hunger from the world forever; instead they destroyed both their own intertwined towers and ultimately their entire homeland, all of which now lie buried beneath their infamous gooey legacy. The lasting symbol of their ancient error is a broad expanse of gloopy water heavily polluted with decomposing organic material.

To those rare creatures able to stomach its disease-infested, peculiar-smelling waters the Gloop Sea is a rich source of nourishment. Warped leviathans and schools of what may once have been either fish (or possibly land-bound herd animals) swim in its nutritious depths, perpetually feeding and growing, they in their turn are perpetually fed upon by exotic micro-ecologies of lesser entities.

The dour half-human race known as the Gloopsiders (less familiarly known as Myanicuxii or as The Expectant Apostles of the Egg) eke out a scanty living harvesting the shallows of this strange sea. Sexes are strictly segregated in dress and social role. The womenfolk flatly refuse to speak to outsiders, and spend their days paddling in clumsy round-hulled scows to harvest the bizarre bounty of the shoreline reefs and shoals. The whistles and hoots they use to communicate between boats are often wafted ashore by the fitful breezes of the Gloop Sea. The men of the tribes remain ashore, variously carving their strange statues, dragging the excess of their women’s catches to the nearest trading post, or (when all the women are absent) sitting about engaged in those universal masculine pastimes: drinking, gambling and bragging.

 Gloopsider women braving the gloilpy tides and gurgling eddies of the Gloop Sea

The Gloopsiders pray unceasingly for a prophesied event they call The Descent of the Cosmic Egg. Their fatalistic religion holds that this event will herald first the draining away of the Gloop Sea and then, in the subsequent Great Scouring, the wiping away and consumption of all unrighteous (i.e. non-Gloopsider) life. So thankless are their lives that many Gloopsiders look forward to this coming apocalypse with a morbid avidity, carving worryingly elaborate statuary of their personal visions of the long-anticipated horrible deaths of everyone else.

Natural Hazards of the Gloop Sea

Quite apart from the traditional hazards to navigation (storms, tides, rocks, etc.) and the elaborate ecosystem of unique diseases, parasites, macro-protozoans (oozes) and bizarre aquatic lifeforms that have evolved in this ideal - well, ideal for them – environment, the Gloop Sea has its own strange tides and hazards to navigation.

1. "Flub" - methane bubbles erupt from deep beneath the surface. Gas effect, danger of explosion. 50% chance gas has a strange effect on normal life (causing "Marie Celeste" syndrome or the like)
2. "Bloilp" - Single large bubble (1d6x5ft diameter) of pressurised gas erupts 0-90ft from the travellers. May rock or tip small boats.
3. "Pwook" - The implosion of a vast bubble, or possibly just some random tidal effect, cause vicious waves to lash the area. Ships may be capsized; shore side settlement may find themselves afflicted by tsunami of gloop.
4. "Scluck" - Sargasso of organic matter. Rate of travel slowed substantially.
5. "Slurp!" - whirlpool caused by the feeding of one of the larger, deeper-swimming natives.  Causes hull Point damage, may suck down unlucky vessels.
6. "Pfuuuurb" - parting of the Gloop Sea. Massive upheavals in the depths open a deep rift in the surface of the water. This endures for 1d6 hours and has a 50% chance of revealing some long-inundated ruin, vehicle or other find.

Pic Sources
Silver porringer from chestofbooks.com
The Jumblies from Project Guttenburg

AtoZ April - A is for Atrophy

Day 1 of the April A to Z Challenge.  Here goes nuthin'.

A is for Atrophy

The Wilds are in a universal state of decay. Civilisation has fallen from its former heights; disease and degenerative conditions are rampant among the poor and unfortunate; and the world itself has been broken into fragments floating in a corrosive sea of unbeing.  Rather than innovating the scholars and explorers of contemporary societies scavenge for lost lore in cyclopean ruins overlooked by entire mountains carved in the unseeing likenesses of forgotten god-kings.

This wider malaise is reflected on a personal level: strength fails; cunning falls into dotage; faith crumbles in the face of self-absorbed godlings and an uncaring universe; even the seemingly limitless power of magic atrophies over time.  As wizards grow older and more eccentric, time and magic taking their toll on raw animal vitality and sanity, the ability of mind and will to control the massive arcane energies they channel slowly grows weaker. In especially long-lived wizards this can take the form of arcane atrophy; an inability to cast spells that came easily in their younger days, and a corresponding greater reliance on created items and magically bound servitors. (There's a reason all those high wizards in towers don't just fling fireballs at the least provocation. "The greatest master expends the least power to accomplish his goals." my arse!)

It's all rotten and getting worse. What are you going to do about it?

JOESKY’S LAW Compliance Content

Arcane Atrophy: The 'Use It or Lose It' Rule of Character Power

When you stop gaining levels (either through hitting the 10th level 'soft cap', or when you retire from constant adventuring) your accumulated personal power begins to slowly, inexorably wither away. Save vs death once per game year (probably on Halloween or the winter equinox) or lose a level, exactly as if leeched by a level-draining undead. Yes, this can lead to a 'death spiral' effect as saving throws worsen with lowered levels.

Channelling otherworldly power into oneself acts like arcane Viagra: it staves off the effects of living in a battered, worn-out body in a slowly decaying world, and allows mortals to transcend the normal limits of human ability.

Ever wondered why that retired adventurer barman/sage/merchant isn't worlord of somewhere-or-other in his own right, and why Faustian pacts are so popular with the Powers That Be? This rule is why. It's intended to concentrate the minds of players when they've 'made it' in the game. Do they want to:

a) retire their land-holding character to NPC status and have him raise a successor before he gets too old and decrepit?
or
b) jump into that font of unholy power and make a transition to the post-B/X Epic scene?

Bonus content:

New Monster/Disease: Wither Imps

Cute, chubby and EVIL!

These invisible lurkers in the Ethereal Margins latch onto a person who draws their attention and over time parasitically suck away his vitality. Detect invisible will not detect the imps, although magical effects that allow the caster to see into the ethereal realm will. Cure disease will heal the damage caused by the imp, but will leave the creature in contact with its host. Dispel Evil (LLAEC) will drive the creature away, but won't heal the damage already caused.

Fighting them on the Ethereal? Treat as a swarm of Stirges harmed only by magic or magical weapons.

Roll on the table below to determine what sort of imp has latched onto the character:

1-2. Imp of Withering Sickness - Str or Con
3-4. Imp of Grey Mist - Int or Wis
5. Imp of The Shakes - Dex
6. Imp of The Stammers - Cha

Save vs. poison or death once per week or lose 1 point from a characteristic (depending on the type of Wither Imp). 25% chance/week of infection that the presence of one imp will attract further imps, accelerating the degeneration of the host. If an infestation of wither imps kill their host they will latch onto the next most powerful source of life energy in the vicinity (measure by HD/levels, favouring PCs and those they care about).

The symptoms of Wither Imps are obvious and horrific, but may take time to correctly diagnose.

[Yeah, horrible parasitic Thought Eater-type nuisances to wanderers in the Ethereal. Reified demons of cancer in the medieval "disease is caused by evil" mode.]

Super-Simple Stat Advances

Inspired by something read in the Humanspace Adventures playtest document, although I vaguely recall seeing similar in a blog comment somewhere, or possibly in the multi-layered morass of detail that is HackMaster...

Each time your character levels up pick one ability score.
Roll higher than the current score on a d20 to advance it by 1 point (max 18).
(note: this doesn't count as being during gameplay, so Jeff's Big Purple d30 Rule doesn't apply.)

Intent: this little gimmick models increasing capability as characters gain progressively more experience and versatility. The 'roll over' mechanic makes it easy to improve on a gimp ability score, but offers less chance of improving those lovingly polished Prime Requisites.

Yeah, it's a little bit Runequest for some tastes, and a shuffle away from the strict purity of "3d6, in order", but I'm an obsessive user of Ability Checks (LL, p55).

Pic Source
Randy Glasberg, syndicated cartoonist

Simple Mass Combat - Birthright Style

[Please excuse the re-post. Blogger decided that Edit is synonymous with Send To Memory Hole.]

"Fool! You cannot harm me. I am protected by tons of ferociously loyal ablative meat!"

"Eh? Is he raving about us?"

Our games are getting close to the 'evict Team Monster, take their land, build immense phallic memorials to self' end game stage.  With the spectre of mass combat looming I thought I'd share my preferred swarm fightan system.

This is, in essence, a B/X-ified version of the super-simple AD&D Birthright skirmish system (which appears to be a simplified take on Battlesystem 2E, which in turn was more or less good old Perren+Gygax Chainmail in a party frock).  Some bits and wrinkles come from WFB, others from the general sea of unattributable common references in which all gamers seem to float. BECMI War Machine gets no love; it's naught but a monstrous spreadsheet-requiring mess IMO.

This system isn't set up to cope with magic-heavy combats or packs of monsters with special attacks.  It's meant to resolve what the kind of havoc the non-speaking extras are inflicting on one another in a die roll or two so we can all get back to the cool stuff (i.e. the PCs single out enemy generals, casters or monsters for their personal attention).

Initiative
1d6 each side. Winner chooses whether to move first or second.

Movement
As normal, or per GM discretion.
Units moved in order of increasing agility: infantry > then cavalry > then fliers.

Hits
Treat HD in the group as hp total. Ignore "+n" hit point adds.
So 60 hobgoblins (1+1HD) has 60 HD, as do a unit of 20 F3 (3HD). Ditto a herd of ten rhinos (6HD) or a gang of four Storm Giants (15HD)...

Damage
Damage per Round = HD up to 7 (then +1/2 HD over 7, "+n" to die = +1 HD) +/- opponents' AC

• Multiple attacks/round = +100% to DPR
• Max damage/round >12 = +100% to DPR

Fighting
Each side rolls die, higher wins.

• Winner only adds difference between rolls to the DPR. 
• Loser inflicts DPR only.
• Both sides lose on a tied roll.

HD remaining	Resolution Die
Full to 3/4	1d10
Full to 3/4	1d8
1/2 to 1/4	1d6, half DPR
1/4 or less	1d4, half DPR

+1 to die per 2 combat-relevant spell levels cast by side that round
+1 bonus if side has PC/unique NPCs
+2 bonus (one round only) if ambushing
-1 penalty if enemy has terrain advantage

Engaged Groups
Normal engagement rules usually apply: group engages with group on 1 for 1 basis.  Leftover groups can choose where they engage for maximum effect.
If multiple groups attack one group, roll 1 resolution die per group.  Total the side's dice then compare scores.

Morale
Morale checks per B/X, because 2d6 Reaction Rolls are the path of righteousness. ;)

• Check after losing first round of combat;
  
• Check again at 1/2 starting HD. 
  
• Fearsome monstrous enemies may require a Morale check to charge, or if they charge (no one wants to be the first to face *that*).

What happens:

• Pass one morale check = "Fight on!"
• Pass to morale checks = "To the death!"
• Fail first morale check = shaken (fighting withdrawal)
• Fail second moral check = "Leggit lads!" (rout)

Fleeing Combat
1 unopposed strike (DPR, no dice roll) against routing side.

Routs and Pursuit
Pursuit comes down to relative speeds. 
Base speed in tens of feet/inches +1d6 (+2d6 if cavalry, +3d6 if flying). 

• Fleeing side wins: no damage inflicted. 
• Pursuing side wins: inflicts DPR. 

Casualties
Half of casualties are deaths, the remainder wounded/incapacitated.  Victors can recover their wounded, take prisoners and hostages, butcher their foes, etc.

Advanced
Not really advanced, more 'one step up from basic mutual face-stabbery'.

• Missile Weapons: DPR inflicted automatically.  Melee-armed troops can't counter attack until range is closed.
• Lances or charge attack: double damage 1st round only.
• Reach weapons: double damage if charged.
• Mamuk-riders: archers riding gigantic beasts should be treated as a separate unit of archers unengaged by non-archer troops until their mount is slain.
• Aerial Troops: flying troops should be treated as having terrain advantage vs non-fliers. Fliers can't be pursued by non-fliers if they rout from combat.
  

Sieges
The long slow slog of blockade and barrage aren't covered here.  Consult your GM.

• Sallies: resolve as normal.
• Mining: no reinforcing groups can be added to a combat in progress.
• Escalades: land-bound assaulters roll 1d4 to defender's 1d10 until they win a round of combat; defender enjoys terrain advantage.  Aerial attackers fight as normal.  Yes, this makes escalades a slog requiring overwhelming numbers and a run of good luck.  I'd call that accurate.
• Storming: assaulting a breach should be resolved as normal, with defender having terrain advantage.

Monstrous Creatures and NPCs
These brutes will generally just munch their way through spear-carriers (don't even roll for them, just inflict DPR and describe the carnage) until PCs get in their way.

• Monstrous creatures with special attacks (basilisk, dragons, wraiths, medusae, etc) should be treated as casting one or more appropriate spells each round (flesh to stone, cause fear, fireball, death spell, etc).
• Monstrous creatures with special defences can either be treated as casting spells per round (couerl, troglodytes, etc) or as ignoring mundane damage entirely (shadows, wraiths, elementals, etc).
• Troll units regain 1HD per troll every other round of combat.
• Hydras and similar multi-attacking but essentialy non-magic-using brutes can be fought as a unit in their own right. 

Thoughts?


JOESKY'S LAW Compliance Content:
Not applicable. This post is about mechanics for stabbing large quantities of dudes in the face at once, and is thus already relevant to The Mighty One's interests.

Further Reading
Nine and Thirty Kingdoms on non-mass mass combat
Grendelwulfs Combat Scale mass combat system (simple and elegant)

Pic Source
The inimitable Ian Miller (purveyor of only the finest nightmare fuel) of course.

-----

Appendix: Examples
(This is just me thinking aloud and getting a handle on relative balance. You'll probably want to skip this entirely.)
Note: the DPR figures used here are exclusive of any modifications from Resolution Dice.

Knight vs. Giant Gobo-Ninjas
30 1HD knights (30HD, AC3, +1 TH, lances)
vs. 12 3+1HD bugbears (36HD, AC6, +4TH, axes). 

The knights will inflict (1+6=) 14 DPR in round 1, 7 DPR in subsequent rounds. 
The bugbears will inflict (4+3=) 7 DPR.

This is likely to be a close fight, with the outcome heavily affected by situational factors (Are the bugbears ambushing or in good cover? How good is the relative morale of the two sides?), or by the luck of the dice.

Phalanx vs. Lucanian Cows
2 9HD war elephants (18HD, AC5, +9 TH, trample 2x2d8)
vs. 100 1HD spearmen (100HD, AC6, +1TH, spears)

The elephants will inflict (8+6 x3=) 42 DPR plus (1+6=) 7 DPR from archers in the howdahs.
The spearmen will inflict (1+5=) 12 DPR if charged, 6 DPR otherwise.

This is likely to be a squash match with Dumbo and Babar curbstomping the poor bloody infantry unless they can either panic the pachyderms or skewer them like pincushions as they charge.  There's a reason that elephants were used as shock troops by any army that had access to them for nigh-on 2000 years...

The Legion of Blue-Nosed Doom vs. Old Ten Heads
A ten-headed Hydra in a swamp (10HD, AC5, +8 TH, multiple attacks, terrain advantage)
vs. 80 Hobgoblin legionaries (80HD, AC6, +2TH, melee weapons)

The hydra will inflict (9+6 x2=) 32 DPR.
The hobgoblins will inflict (2+5=) 7 DPR.

The hobs probably have the sheer numbers to beat Old Ten Heads to death, but they'll lose dozens of warriors doing so.  This type of "No time to wait for the archers.  Drown the beast beneath our dead!" situation is what Morale checks were created for...

Orcs vs. The Mighty Orcgrinder
1 Superhero (8HD, AC-1, +6 TH, sword)
vs. 15 Orcs (15HD, AC 6, +1TH)

Superhero will inflict (6+6=) 14 DPR exclusive of magical effects.
Orcs will inflict (1-1=) 0 DPR

A one-sided 'buzzsaw through raw meat' situation.  The Orcs will be relying on luck alone (the score from their die roll) to come out ahead.  They should also probably roll a Morale check when they see their opponent hove into view (as the Chainmail rule).  Let's face it; he's only leaving that last survivor alive to spread the tale...

Gnawers,shield vs. Gnawers,flesh
10 2HD Ghouls (20HD, AC6, +2 TH, multiple attacks, paralysis)
vs. 30 Berserks (30HD, AC7, +2 TH, never check morale)

Ghouls will inflict (2+7 x2=) 18 DPR.
Berserkers will inflict (2+6=) 12 DPR.

A surprisingly close fight.  Ghoul paralysis (treated as Hold Person cast each round) and multiple attacks will tip the balance against the berserkers, not that they're likely to care less.  In the immortal words of Spoon: "I hope I give you the shits you WIMP!"

End.

The Footprints of Ayrvaat

"Oh Gods it's horrible here!
Please can we go back to the dungeon?!"

Some ancient and broken roads in the Wilds lead nowhere.  Literally nowhere.  They terminate not in settlements inhabited, deserted or even ruined and monster-haunted, but in badlands that even the jaded natives of the Wilds consider unnaturally twisted and hostile.  Even more so than dungeons, these are places shunned by the sane and sensible.  The men of the Nagai Plains call these ill-omened lands names that variously translate as "Befouled Domain of the Dead", "Tangled Vista of Misery", "Place to Which Only a Damn Fool Goes" and collectively "The Footprints of Ayrvaat". 

Traveller's tales concerning these places are universally cautionary and grim in tone.  Asking around the learned sages or craggier, more travel worn habitués of the bars and bordellos of Adburg will produce an unchanging unity of tone in responses: "The Footprints of Ayrvaat? Stay away.  You won't find treasure; you won't find glory; you'll just find a slow, painful, ignominious death." Few, and of little credence, are stories of lost treasure in these dread places. 

Whatever the prevailing terrain the environs of Footprints of Ayrvaat are difficult going.  The land becomes ever more broken, directions and distances ever more deceptive.  Prevailing weather within several hours travel of a Footprint is almost universally bad, with vicious crosswind and limited visibility the norm, and dire rains unpleasantly common.

The outermost peripheries of the Footprints are invariably composed of stony fellfields bisected by long berms and hillocks, all of which point back in the direction from which the traveller has come.  There are numerous erratics and a great deal of broken, vitrified ground.  The little water that can be found is brackish and unpleasant at best, and more often dangerously toxic.  The terrain is sparsely scattered with remnants of what may once have been crafted metal and stone crafted to an inhuman aesthetic, but might just as easily be naturally-occurring materials heated and shaped by immense, alien forces. 

The broken, cliff-scarred lands at the heart of the fellfields, surrounding a Footprint of Ayrvaat proper, will be scattered with stark, sharp-edged monoliths and rows of sculpted rocks positioned to form mile-long stretches of wall or dragons teeth blocking forward progress in the most awkward manner possible.  Numerous unburied humanoid skeletons of strange form lie unburied around the monoliths and fellfields.

The monoliths - all prominently situated - variously resemble spiked trees or vast lightning bolts flung into the ground at crazy angles.  Some are solid; others contain seemingly random hollows and voids.

The (obviously artificial) walls and dragon’s teeth are composed of strangely-angled blocks of hard-wearing stone, deliberately positioned so that only difficult to find narrow, twisted pathways exist between them. 

Within the broken rings of the monoliths and walls are found the foci of the Footprints.  These are invariably vast depressions furlongs across.  These vitrified and blasted badlands are most commonly bone dry and afflicted with constant dust storms, but some are partially filled by miasmal toxic lakes.  Intruders rapidly become prone to progressive malaise and wasting sickness.  Dead organic materials (leather, wood, paper, etc.) begin to decay at an accelerated rate.  Metal radiates a strange form of St Elmo's Fire which streams away from the centre of the Footprint.  Nothing good grows here; normal life rapidly sickens and dies. 

The inner reaches of Footprints of Ayrvaat are devoid of any by the most stubborn life; a few warped mewling blasphemies of life crawl across the landscape scrounging whatever meagre sustenance they can from the strangely fleshy ground-hugging plant life that struggles to survive here.  As if the attenuated ecosystem were not stressor enough, living creatures are further afflicted by both wildly unnatural environmental conditions and insanely howling spectres of the long dead. 

At the very centre of each Footprint is a strange area of tortured space.  Gravity, space, time and magic all become unpredictable in the vicinity of these Twists.  Normal sight and darkvision simply refuse to register whatever is at the focal point of a Footprint, treating it almost as a blind spot.  Magical probes blink out of existence, register contradictory information or react in unexpected ways, often driving those investigating them insane.  Approaching these strange cankers in the substance of things is generally fatal, even to the best-protected explorers. 

All who have survived a journey to a Footprint of Ayrvaat agree: there is nothing of value, only a lethal enigma.


Footprints of Ayrvaat, Notes and Rules

Yeah, the Footprints of Ayrvaat are my attempt to add a little Gamma Wastes/Cacotopic Stain/Chaos Wastes/Mournlands vibe to the Wilds.  They’re not exciting treasure- and danger-filled focuses of excitement; they’re a (pretty heavy-handed) reminder that the Wilds are a post-apocalyptic setting which eats unique and special snowflakes for breakfast.

This link on Warning People Away from RL Bad Mojo should be of interest.

Locating a Footprint of Ayrvaat
There should be a non-trivial chance (my pref. 50%) that any large town or city rolled on your preferred random terrain generator is instead a Footprint of Ayrvaat.  The hex containing the Footprint of Ayrvaat, and all surrounding hexes, will be considered very difficult/badlands terrain for purposes of overland movement.

General Rules for the Footprints of Ayrvaat

• Divination magic ("commune", "contact other plane", etc.) generally yields little information beyond a general theme of "We have no desire to talk about that.  Stay away."

In Proximity to a Footprint

• Living creatures take periodic radiation damage (see below).  Check once per 4 hours in the outer reaches of a Footprint (within 10 miles of the Footprint proper, but if outside the monolith walls)
• Inhabitants? Break out Mutant Future or your preferred random beasty generator. Low frequency of encounters.
• Compasses and dead reckoning navigation work erratically, if at all (increase chances to become lost by as much as you see fit). 
• Weather is invariably bad, with occasional unnatural storms pouring out of the Footprint in defiance of prevailing winds. Fun Fortean storm chart here.
• Quality of hunting is poor and foraging for food is nigh impossible.
• Animals are skittish and unruly.
• Intelligent summoned entities are sullen, nervous and keen to leave as quickly as possible. 

Within a Footprint of Ayrvaat

• Living creatures take increasingly large doses of radiation damage.  Check once per turn within the crater, and immediately if anyone is foolish enough to drink from a toxic pool.
• Inhabitants?  Swarms of screaming incorporeal undead. In between fending off the howling dead sprinkle with Mutant Future, or your preferred random beasty generator. Don't spare the rod.
• Natural items decay at an accelerated rate (Item saves per hour?). 
• Food sours, or picks up radiation.  Enjoy those rations folks.
• Magic has a 50% chance of misfiring (effects at GM's discretion, although invariably malign).
• Magic which allows instantaneous transportation (teleport) or which uses/allows travel to other planes as a means of transit (ethereality, shadow-walking, etc) tends to backfire horribly.
• Most summoning spells either do not work, or work in a horribly unexpected manner.
• Summoned elementals are entirely uncontrollable and invariably hostile within a Footprint.
• Animals absolutely will not enter a Footprint, and will turn on masters who attempt to compel them by force.
• Other effects as the GM's evil mind decides.

At the Loci of Footprints

• Living creatures are bathed in dangerous radiation.  Check once per round, increasing minimum intensity as distance closes. 
• Coming into direct contact with the locus of a Footprint should be impossible.  Anyone foolish enough to have attempted it should be torn to pieces by arcane physics gone berserk before getting within reach.
• Using divination magic on a locus causes the scyrer to suffer a random effect: 

1-3 - Cause Fear
4-5 - Feeblemind
6 - Symbol of Stunning
7 - Symbol of Blindness
8 - Symbol of Insanity

All effects as the spell of the same name (see LL & LLAEC, or equivalent book of your choice). Save at –2. No save allowed if the spell true seeing was used to scry.

Radiation in the Vaults Game

Generally, as Mutant Future pp50-51. 
Roll d6 for intensity; d10 if the PCs have wandered into somewhere horribly dangerous...  or if you're in a bad mood. 
Failing a string of saving throws against radiation (treat as Save vs. Wands, per MF 145) doesn't result in glamorous new mutations; it results in death.
Radiation damage cannot be healed naturally; bed rest is no help, ditto macho pulp hero slugs of alcohol.  Hit points lost to radiation damage can be regained only through the use of magical healing (yeah, as 3E's Vile damage type). 

It's an established trope of the Vaults game that large amounts of magic does bad sh*t to you. I'll be using these rules for areas of unnatural (often sickly-green or lurid purple) high-magic radiance.

Sources:
Header image from The Wandering Scot blog
Landscape of Thorns and Forbidding Wall images from Excerpts from Expert Judgement on Markers to Deter Inadvertent Human Intrusion into the Waste Isolation Pilot Plant, Sandia National Laboratories report SAND92-1382

Lance!

Cripes it's dusty in here! I was temporarily seduced away from the path of (hairy, mad-eyed) gaming righteousness by the Evil Empire and Eurogames, and that's all I'm saying.

Just emerging from lurkitude to waffle about a small change to rules for charging with lances.  This was inspired by Delta's notes on lancers as kinetic weapons and by the gift-that-keeps-on-giving that is the K.A.Pendragon RPG.

"I'm 9th level and right now my cat-bird
does more damage than me. Sad that."

IMO a high-level griffon-mounted fighter should be doing bad-ass, thematically appropriate stuff like swooping down on his foe and stapling varlets to the ground St George-style.

Suggested changes:

• Movement stays as is.
• No change to weapon reach priority (lance and spear/polearm cancel each other's First Strike).
• Roll To Hit stays as is, at least for the mo'.
• Damage on a charge changed to 2x(d* + mount's HD), rather than 2x(d* + Str).
• Mounts make only 1 attack/round in melee. Usually a trample or hoof/claw attack.

So Sir Boggo on his warhorse does 2x(1d*+3), while Sir Shinypants de Railroad on his dragon does 2x(1d*+10-12). Horrible overkill for low-HD opponents, but enough to give even big beasts like sabretooth cats and wyverns something to think about. And yes, you can try to train a purple worm (15HD) or whale (36HD) as a lancing mount if your DM is demented enough to allow it.

* I always thought lance damage was a d8 in B/X D&D. It turns out that LL says d6 and BECMI says d10...

This doesn't have much mechanical effect on 1HD nameless dudes on horseback, but hopefully it keeps lances interesting for higher level fighters.

-----

Right. I shall now revert to my accustomed existence as the Drive-By Abuser ("Discussing D&D on the internet? Looks like it and all") of other peoples comment thread. ;)

Ele*meh*ntals, Amirite?

"Agreed, f**k Heart. Let's just kill all the puny fleshies."

Elemental as written in classic D&D (B/X and A-) are, sad to say, a bit *meh*. They are mechanically pretty dull; their descriptions and artwork have none of the allegorical/mythic resonance of their inspirational material; nor do they convey a sense of the power and fury of nature at its most violent. Even their minis are a bit pedestrian and phoned in. How to make them a little less yawnsome?

Well, there are several options:

1. first and easiest: change the fluff,
2. allow for composite elementals, and
3. change their mechanics a bit (the obvious thing is a random table of some kind).

Changing the Fluff

The default assumption (reinforced by decades of path-of-least-resistance models) is that elementals just look like big humanoid lumps of... stuff. Which is depressingly limited, especially given how many other element-themed monsters share a similar conceptual space.

Fortunately refluffing is quick and easy in classic D&D, where 'canon' is generally synonymous with "whatever the DM decided last week". Lo! Instead of being simply big rocky dudes who are almost indistinguishable from badly eroded stone golems, the latest earth elemental to burst forth instead looks like a (d6):

1. giant Easter Island stone head that grinds about the place looking down its long nose at people.
2. stone rhino (“...the sinews of his stones are wrapped together. His bones are as strong pieces of brass; his bones are like bars of iron.” - Job 40:17-18)
3. single massive limb that erupts from the earth and blindly strikes as the summoner directs.
4. gloomy stone dude who just sits there in the lotus position and hums sonorously.
5. menhir, elaborately engraved and orbited by jewels.
6. stone toad squatting in a geode.

You can do this easily enough for all the classic quartet. So I will:

Fire elementals next:

 "Erm, no."

Instead of being yet a-bloody-nother ambulatory bonfire with beady eyes and mediocre artwork, they're (d6):

1. greasy little axolotls (complete with external gills and that characteristic sh*t-eating grin) that make everything around them burst into flame.
2. odd multi-armed Hindu-looking divinities juggling flames and dancing about in coronas of fire.
3. red-and-yellow peacocks/birds of paradise.
4. burning dwarves, who simply don't understand why you don't want to shake hands (Azer, Dorf Fortress, blah).
5. iron and brass braziers; self-mobile and happy to throw all you lucky, lucky people the unsolicited gift of a burning coal or two.
6. amorphous flying clouds of burning embers. No glowing eyes or perceptible face, and especially no big sad eyes or Billy Crystal-sounding voice. Just a cloud of mucky burning stuff.

Undines. Either you can have something that makes Hosukai wonder why he ever bothered in the first place, or you can describe them as (d6):

1. Fanservicey Renaissance bints in damp gauze surfing around on sea-shells
2. The dorsal ridge and flukes of some massive shark, whale or similar half-seen leviathan of the deeps
3. Abyss-style living water that mimics the face of anyone who looks at it
4. Shoal of fish that form a composite face (Nemo/Matrix fashion).
5. Elaborate abstract formation of ice crystals, falling water and mist.
6. ZOMG sea serpents! (and suchlike Freudian imagery)

Slyphs are already in the Monster Manual as the airborne wing of the hypnotic/blinding magical hot chick army (dryads, nymphs, sirenes, etc). And the various minor air elementals (aerial servants, invisible stalkers and wind walkers) have already stolen their invisible, malignant air current shtick. So we'll have to do something other than have them being whirlwinds with eye spots (d6):

1. Boreal face-in-a-cloud huffing away (complete with puffed cheeks. The puffed cheeks are an essential thematic element)
2. Thunderbird/storm crow/bluebird of tempests.
3. Whirling vortex of blue and white sparkles.
4. Swirly oriental dragony thing looping around mid-air to the accompaniment of discordant cymbals. 
5. Rapidly spinning triskel which periodically whirrs, sparks and throws off clumps of shredded feathers.
6. Skinny windblown dude in flowing robes.

Stats for all the above are as normal, just with an FX modification. Hopefully enough to add a little bit of "woah!" back to the primal spirits of the world.

As for elemental politics. Well, the Princes of Elemental Evil (FF) are simply cooler than almost any other quartet of elemental gods you care to name, either in pulp fantasy or gaming fluff. The idea that the earth/air itself is plotting against you is just... right (and we all know that the sea and fire are just biding their time). None of that Princes of Elemental Good nonsense though. The natural world is uncaring and merciless at best.

Composite Elementals

By this I don't mean the wackiness of the various Para- and Quasi-Elemental types (that way lies the madness of reified every-bloody-thing elementals. "Time Elemental, I'm looking at you!"). And no, Ice, Wood, Void, Magnesium and the like aren't /proper/ elements. Those are just...stuff. You'd be laughed out of the Academy for even suggesting they’re fundamental elements of creation.

Nor do I mean mimicking the noxious failure of creative ability that was the 4E elementals. How dead to the cultural heritage of the gaming world do you have to be to think that "Rockfire Dreadnought", "Earthwind Ravager" and "Thunderfire Cyclone" are worthy replacements for the rich trains of association and resonance trailed by names like Slyph, Salamander and Undine? (Not Gnome though, that name has been ruined by association with David and his fuzzy-faced, badger-fondling, bad joke ilk)

Despite what the Product Identity-mentals of 4E, and the various Para-, Quasi-, Pseudo- and Spurio-Elementals of late period TSR D&D did to the idea, combining elements is not necessarily a bad thing. Just allow two of the non-inimical classical quartet to borrow aspects of one another’s flavour and you've suddenly got whole new looks for the previously boring "I'm a self-mobile cloud/puddle/furnace/rockery" quartet.

Earth + fire = magma elementals, and who doesn't like lava?
Air + water = storm elementals.
Air + fire = burning, choking ash cloud elementals.
Earth + water = erm... mud? How about water-eroded rock? Silt? Clay? (jeez, there's always one joker has to ruin it for everyone!)

Again, no mechanical fiddling required.

Changing the Mechanics

A lot of what Classic D&D elementals do is fine. Their collective immunity to non-magical weapons makes sense. Beating on the landscape, or on a jet of fire erupting from a furnace, isn't going to do anything except give you some nasty burns and ruin the temper of your sword. Similarly there are proverbs in many cultural traditions about the futility of fighting the sea or the wind. So, yep. Immunity to mundane stuff is good.

Likewise the "maintain control, or it'll turn on you" thing that's a commonality of elemental summoning in both Basic and Advanced D&D is fun, flavourful and in keeping with pulp precedent. The rule allows the wizard player to don a big battlesuit every once in a while, but also ensures that his mates have to keep an eye on his happily drooling self while he goes kaiju on Team Monster.

The different HD from different summoning sources (stave = 8HD, wand/magic item = 12HD, spell = 16HD) probably has logical Chainmail/OD&D precedent; but from AD&D and B/X onwards it's merely another unexplained mystery of the Gygaxian universe. As for the 80 Hit Die walking disasters of BECMI...

The ‘unique abilities’ of the elementals though, those suck a fat one. The power and majesty of elementals is really undercut when it’s possible to adopt a SOP against their terrifying innate powers.

"He's summoning a [air/earth/fire/water] elemental."
"We're fine so long as we [avoid the whirlwind/cast levitate/cast resist fire/don't get in any boats] then. Oh, and by the way, dispel evil."

Surely creatures of 16 HD (that's more than any non-unique dragon, giant, or demon/devil in classic D&D) should have something a little more impressive than one bog-standard ability available to their entire type? Baz Blatt's non-canonical Tekumel demons (presented for our delectation in Fight On! #3) were pretty hardcore, and they only had 1 HD apiece.

The genies (Djinn, Efreet, etc) and minor elemental beings steal the peculiar quirks that rightfully belongs to the true elementals. So here are a few quick-and-lazy ideas to redress the balance:

Standard Elemental type ability
They get this for free, it's the calling card of their type.

Air	Flight
Earth	Meld with Earth
Fire	Make stuff to go *whumpf*
Water	Make water do tricks (run uphill, form arches, dancing fountains antics, etc.)

Then, dump the standard ability of the elemental (this is likely a bit of extra damage in B/X-LL, and the customary Whirl[wind/pool], or some extra damage in AD&D) and instead roll d10 on the table below:

Air
1. Steal Breath - save or die from hilarious blue-faced asphyxiation
2. Whirlwind – as the standard ability
3. Blade Barrier – as cleric spell
4. Cloudkill – as wizard spell
5. Lightning Bolts / Call Lightning – as the spells
6. Thunderous Bellow – as the breath weapon of a Dragonne or Androsphinx
7. Invisibility – innate ability, cannot be dispelled
8. Rapid Transit (as wind walk or the special ability of the Aerial Servant)
9. Buffet (like a giant air cannon) - duplicates one or more of the famous 'hand' spell series
10. Windwall as protection from normal missiles

Earth
1. Immobility (self or other) - as hold person spell
2. Fossilising Blow - save vs petrifaction or be a decorative feature
3. Immurement (as imprisonment spell)
4. Gravity Control (slow, reverse gravity, etc)
5. Magnetism - as attraction/repulsion spell
6. Rusting Aura - as rust monster
7. Warp Terrain
8. Earthquake - as spell
9. Rock to Mud - as spell
10. Wall of Stone - as spell

Fire
1. Pyrotechnics - self-destruct as a Type 6 demon
2. Wall of Fire / Fireball - as the spells
3. Hypnotic Movement - as fascinate or fire charm
4. Immaterial Form - physical damage? Immune suckers!
5. Prophetic Ability - as foresight, or DM fiat.
6. Destroy Weapon - directed disintegrate, but with fire FX.
7. Fire Shield - as the spell
8. Heat Metal - as the spell
9. Cause Spontaneous Combustion - save or die
10. Move like Wildfire - as blink
11. Firestorm - attraction effect + AoE fire damage

Water
1. Drown - save or die, or water spews from every orifice
2. Erode / Rot - warp wood, disintegrate, etc.
3. Waters of Lethe - memory loss
4. Airy Water - as the spell
5. Dessication - save or petrify, or you're Lot's wife now
6. Freezing Touch (water is a great coolant)
7. Wall of Ice - as spell
8. Maelstrom - as the standard whirlpool ability
9. Part Water - as spell
10. Annoying immunity - the water elemental just sits there, takes it, and goes *bloop* (like the Shao-Lin conditioning exercise where you have to slap water for an hour, to show the essential futility of worldly action)

Your elemental can use this ability once per round in the place of his normal attack.

Hopefully this'll make elementals a little less a bunch of palette swap monsters.

Thoughts? Opinions? Demands that I stop playing with the fundamental building blocks of the physical realm.